Monetization or Manipulation?

We have all seen then many peddlers of advice and mentorship over the years when it comes to this industry. Almost weekly, there is discourse about how tos and courses being sold mainly by companions.

When it comes to coaching, self help and how to be your best (as a client or provider), there's a sea of online information. Not all of it is accurate or helpful, some of it even screams scam!

In the wonderful world of the web, social media & the rise of sinfluencers turned getting busy gurus, how do you know what is simple monetizing and what's manipulation? Let's unpack that, shall we?

I've been a client to escorts for a few years now. Not from having or making these people into duo partners, not a single instance of crossing boundaries, an actual (well liked, I think) client. I know what the protocol is, for the most part. I've had smooth sailing, I've had so so times and I've also been burned (it can happen even if you're savvy, there are bad apples in every industry). Every provider is different and requires different things. They have their own rates, policies & interests. Even after 16 years of offering companionship, the client world can still be complicated. It doesn't have to be though!

There are companions touting paid advice sessions, men who have launched client podcasts and countless dating and escort session stories on how to forums. Where does that leave anyone? Probably confused.

What I've noticed from my own research is that most of these people have no experience as a client or the ones who do have used blanket style information in a one size fits all or shared their own play by play with a companion during their own session.

When it comes to paying for advice from anyone, I would hesitate if it isn't specifically helpful to your own situation. Anyone can check a provider's page to see how to send a deposit, how to prebook with thek if it's required, how to screen to that provider's comfort and so much more on their actual website or ad. You don't need a crash course on these things, you just have to be willing to read or ask those questions to the person you plan on hiring. Most of us are very happy to help you through the process if you are respectful and sincere about meeting with us!

An example of what may be helpful to further your own research or decide if you are needing to buy a course/advice or consult session would include narrowing down your topics. Are you new to bdsm? Are you a client with special requirements or disabilities and needing to know how to proceed? Are you new to group activities, fly me to yous, social outings with escorts or longer bookings like a trip together?

Some topics like these are harder to sift through and find direct answers online for. This sort of information may be paywalled if a forum or thread somewhere isn't clear and readily available. It could be as simple as paying for a consultation with the provider you've selected or screening first and asking your questions directly (even during a session in preparation for a second meeting if virtual or in writing isn't possible or comfortable).

I'm sure all clients after being around online for awhile have read more than a few times "do your research!" Still, it can be discouraging to have no idea what kind of research companions want you to do on us. It can even seem scammy or off-putting seeing it gate kept for money by some of them. That is entirely up to them, if they are charging, they clearly believe they have something of value to share. This can be frustrating and possibly lead you to move on to someone else, that's understandable too. Most of us, when we say do your research might mean that you should look for clues that indicate we are reputable and not likely to ghost or scam you. Web presence comes up a lot so what should you look for there? It used to be as simple as socials and a website.. that's no longer the case. Being able to keep up, adjust and adapt with technology and the hoops new laws make us switch up for as a client or provider in these modern times goes a long way!

With the rise of Ai models, online only models pretending to do in person meets, profiles that are auto generated or ran by someone who never plans to meet after the deposit is received, make the traditional escort meetings far more challenging.

Most legitimate companions have several ad profiles up (free or paid but an actual ad up) and those sites tend to require us to verify ourselves and our age either by giving links to members only places (ter, p411 etc.) or submitting photos of our ID and a clear image of our faces to match (tryst, p411).

Most of us have a website we pay for (not mshk auto generated, not onlyfans, not just a bio link or links page), a site we made with rates, gallery, contact info etc.

Check out our photos as well. Do the face, body, hands change? Check out the locations. Can you reverse image search and see the photo come up on IG or any other socials for well known models? Does this lead directly to a fan site? Does the person look a little too polished? If the photos are off in any way, check the web presence and sites to see if there's a history. Check to see when the social pages were created, if it's a free website with a page on x made this month, based in a major city with odd captions, a bio that makes no sense or replies that seem off..you may need to pass.

When it comes to buying packages for mentorship or marketing advice from companions for companions, this can be even more sketchy. How long has this person been in the industry? Being new (a year or 2 in the business and offering full mentorship courses is a red flag but so is someone who has been in the industry for decades with no exit strategy).

Is this person involved in scandals? Harshly judging or negging others regularly? Bullying? Scamming peers or clients? Have they had rebrands? An easy way to check is on socials. If you go to X, you can type in a name. Not a hashtag or an @ just their name. Sometimes you'll find some interesting things about a person or see someone remembering when they had a scandal or a name change. Be alert.

Coaching is never a bad idea but again, one size and generic info doesn't fit all. Are you wanting to offer or find something specific? Is there a brand or elevation of your brand you are looking to achieve? That can be different from just being new.

Again, people absolutely love to overshare and help out when it comes to navigating this industry. There are books and guides written by current and retired workers, forums, social pages just for tips and even full length videos. Not all advice is good, but knowing what you want is a good start. Mentorship for sale from someone who's supposed to be highly successful at the sex work part can feel suspicious.

Most who are truly successful don't exactly have concrete concepts of how they became successful beyond the luck and privilege of looks, location and savvy marketing. What they do have perhaps are good skills for making their goals, financial planning, access to information on investments, future planning for their retirement and how to navigate mental and physical health while doing this work.

Someone who has a lot of drama, negative opinions and sells courses to new girls who are desperate to reach elite status may be someone to watch first and learn from later. Following someone, checking out what they offer and working on what you can on your own while checking various sources can be just as beneficial as the mentorship program itself.

As people are aware, I do offer in person and virtual bdsm coaching and I teach some. I don't do this as a big offering, certainly not paying all of my bills with it. My events are very small class sizes with pretty specific offers for each one, my coaching sessions are tailored & take time to get coordinated because I want people to succeed & offer better sessions with confidence.

Before anyone ever takes a single lesson from me, I always direct them to the resources that best helped me (most of which are free). I also send free literature during a consult to help that person decide if what I'm offering or able to tailor to their situation is actually a good fit. I don't pressure anyone or shame them for anything. If they don't follow up or decide to months or even years later, I'm here and listening to their goals.

Being a great teacher and offering education for a fee or as part of your living, takes getting educated yourself & requires patience and communication. Someone quick to make a buck might show you pretty good early on that it's their objective and bottom line, time is money after all. It's your choice on how you choose to obtain the knowledge.

Choosing to see information directly via an expert (self proclaimed or otherwise) or by meticulous research of your own, knowledge is power so either method is encouraged!

Happy hunting on your quest for safe and responsible playtime & professional upgrades!

"Xoxo,

-Your curious girlfriend and unofficial scam spotter in Atlanta"