Duality: Dominant & Delicate

As requested, here is one that allows me to explore with you my offerings in both GFE & Kink, how they may overlap and how I am able to authentically offer either or both. 

In recent years, I've noticed there are more providers who for either extra cash or an extra client pool, those with strictly GFE careers have begun to announce that they are offering BDSM. This is a thing I've warned clients and submissives to be wary of, not because it isn't possible to offer both, but that domination and learning proper bdsm techniques safely takes time.

Deciding one day that you'd like to take a whack at it and yell scathing things or talk dirty to someone can be exciting and spicy, but there are risks. The results have come in from clients. They tend to either try it once on that experience with someone or they are a seasoned submissive who is left in disappointment.

Kinky GFE or Sensual BDSM are far more doable for most than going fully into either. You lose gfe points and scare the vanilla lovers when you lube up into latex and you risk looking like a foolish cosplayer to the serious veterans of the domme game.

How do I manage both, am I the real deal? Is this just marketing? Compartmentalizing and education go a long way. I have a reputation for being good at both these days, that wasn't always the case. To some who know me, it still doesn't compute.

I began my journey to the land of kink very early on. I was dabbling with bondage and sensory play with high school boy and girlfriends at 15, before physical, traditional forms of sex were even on the table. BDSM for me can involve sexual elements but I learned very early on that the thrills come from the mind first, before the body is even touched.

This led me to seek out professional dominants by 18 and beg them to take me seriously. I wanted to experience that world, but ever the knowledge junkie, I really wanted to learn. I paid for sessions, I bought literature, I attended any events that would allow me entry (some were very far away from little ole South Carolina).

I eventually met two professional dommes in New York who shared a space and offered apprenticeship, one a native to the area and their partner from Berlin. They were thorough, they were expensive and they were worth every penny and penance.

I was hooked, but I wasn't ready to offer services professionally, not that anyone was taking me seriously or had heard of me anyway. The BDSM community requires long-term trust, ongoing affirmation of that trust and earning your place in trusted circles within the community. Experienced or not, I was a teenaged novice.

I started making my rounds in fetish stage performance groups in the Southeastern United States. I did acts for crowds, I did cage dancing to gothic music in clubs where fetish scenes played out, I mingled with kink society's lifestyle only crowd (for fun, for home use, not professionals). I did nude modeling and fetish with a bit of amateur pornography (kinky couples who had channels mostly) and live cam shows. I worked strip clubs for the bulk of my income. I got tattoos and piercings to further push my alternative career once I decided the blonde, tan beach bunnies of Playboy had too many rules for me at the time. 

Eventually, as I told the tale in my podcast, a strip club customer wanted to take me out. He was technically my first dip into sugaring and escorting. I had sex appeal, I already knew I was talented in bed. Once I had crossed the line into girlfriend for hire, I knew it came very naturally for me. Being in the alternative girl genre, of course I did have gfe clients who'd request light kink and bdsm play. (nothing serious, just a fantasy with goth girl in lingerie, a bratty mean teen etc.) Still, I dabbled in my personal life and on fetish stages and grew my skills and confidence there. 

Eventually, I had a small following of submissives who'd found me through the shows & wanted to step into my service. I had to start somewhere right? Being young and still on the side of conventionally attractive (since I was also escorting), it wasn't hard to have these generous and devoted few set me up nicely with all of the accessories and equipment they'd like me to have in my arsenal.

In a way, I had started my kink journey, technically first but as a newbie in both fields, I played both the domme and the girlfriend my first years in both businesses. 

I recognized the duality of me is very fluid. In my mannerisms sexually and in my sexual identity I am also fluid. I'm not firmly one thing or another in any scenario. I enjoy spontaneity and going with the flow. I'm also quite the planner (somehow). 

When arranging my gfe sessions, everything is tailored to my client if possible. I enjoy setting the mood, the lighting, the music if we have it, the refreshments, knowing what they'd enjoy visually or socially ahead of time if possible. It's why repeat dates are great because we can build better and closer experiences together that are coordinated but still very natural. 

As a domme, I am the same way. I discuss how the session might go ahead of time. I prepare the space, the after care arrangements, the accoutrements that we will require, even the location may be arranged to suit someone or something specific. Things are never concrete or scripted, but they unfold in a delicate dance that the groundwork has been set for. 

The questions asked for the prompt on this entry: 

"I’d be really curious about how as both a gfe and kink provider, how they appeal to various sides of your personality."

My personality has shadows and highlights. With play time, the person I'm with, their needs dictate what side of me they get. I am capable of being very hard or very soft, I can be a blend of both. Improvising and being versatile keep me interested so that is what appeals to me most. I prefer being playful and sensual for either, I'm not rigid or militant in either scenario.

"Are your services fully separate things or do you find a little bit of crossover in the venn diagram of things?"

I do prefer notice ahead so that I can prepare both myself and my space and all that we need for either scenario so in a way, yes they are fully separate but I do keep a small amount of things for both with me in case the mood shifts. Occasionally, there is crossover and for me that is perfectly natural. Something intense and kinky can be simmered down into a nice vanilla ending or something starting simply could become more intense and spicy. I like when that happens and I do tend to expect it during longer multi year arrangements or on trips together if we are experimenting a bit. 

"Is it more adventurous gfe or a more vanilla light kink?" 

Yes, lol. I've always been in the "open minded, adventurous gfe" category. A lot of hardcore or dedicated strictly bdsm dominants had a great disdain for this and some still do.

I am newbie friendly for those exploring kink & domination so that does tend to be light kink or spicy vanilla first. It's easier to push for more intensity and turn it up a notch than to give someone more than they can handle their first times right away. 

(For those who are gfe wanting to seem like a seasoned or fierce, tough domme, a lot end up turning their clients off of kink entirely or just traumatizing them when it comes to a certain act or scenario). We don't want that!

"How each is fulfilling?"

I love variety (obvs). I am fulfilled by the thrill of giving someone an experience they've been craving. Even better if I can exceed their expectations or introduce them (gently) to something they've always wanted to explore. It's extremely fulfilling when they like something enough to repeat it or carry it with them into a relationship or real world scenario in a helpful way. 

"Is there more connection to one or the other?"

I think both have the potential to be a one and done, craving fulfilled and nothing more scenario or become a close connection. Most of my gfe or kink clients prefer a deeper connection and years of ongoing closeness and trust. I have no expectations either way and the connection that I offer is genuine even if it doesn't become deep or long lasting. I enjoy the no strings aspect of this lifestyle so I come into it with an open mind and free spirit, the rest is up to you!

In the sense of am I more connected to one than the other? I am probably more connected to my dominant side since I enjoy having control of my own pleasure and someone else's.

L says:

"I think for those of us who don’t feel like they have fetishes or kinks often feel like they might be vanilla, yet I’ve been told I’m definitely not. Having someone with perspective of both, who enjoys both, can maybe explain things in a way that either explains how far apart they really are, or maybe that they are much closer in the spectrum of sexuality than people think."

Definitely. What may seem strictly vanilla to someone, may be a kink for someone else. The world of kink and fetishes in particular is vast and you never know what might tickle your fancy! Sexuality is a wonderfully wild spectrum so I think going with what feels nice or appeals to you in the moment and exploring what makes you curious is natural. There are countless ways to have sexual encounters or sexy thrills without even having to do the commonly thought of physical things. 

If it makes you horny, gives you release or excites something in you (without being harmful or too dangerous), embrace it! Maybe it's a one time thing or maybe it's not. I love that this part of the brain isn't rooted so deeply in coherent or reasonable thought. 

You can read more of my thoughts on topics in the kink world over at Hustler Magazine in this article by Missy Martinez https://t.co/pGBkwL2Jqe

Signed, 

Your kinky GFE in Atlanta and beyond 💋